Suffer Well
by deangirl22
Summary: Miniseries about season 9, contains spoilers. (Inspired by a Depeche Mode song) Mira has been in and out of Dean's life for 9 years, yet she has never felt like an outsider until now.
1. Cards with Crowley

The cards flashed repeatedly between her tawny palms, as Mira shuffled the deck. She kept her dark blue eyes trained on the bits of paper lulling between her slender fingers, rather than embrace the hardened gaze of Crowley sitting opposite her. She had never agreed with Dean's decision to shackle him like a rabid animal, yet she didn't dare unfasten his bindings. Crowley's pleasantly gravely voice shattered the silence. "Why are you here? Moose send you? Thought maybe you'd soften me up?" he asked. Mira remained silent, her concentration largely unbroken except for the smallest of twitches on her scarlet-toned lips. "Ah...I get it. They left you behind, didn't they? The third wheel, unwelcome when its no longer needed to...lubricate one of the others."

Mira's anger showed as she slapped the deck of cards onto the tabletop. Crowley smirked, knowing he had struck a nerve, but to his surprise Mira also smirked. Shaking her dark hair behind her shoulders, Mira reclined in her seat and started to split the deck. "Believe it or not, I chose to stay behind...keep your sorry ass company." she announced.

Crowley sat forward to the best of his ability, interlocking his fingers. "Oh? May I ask why?" he inquired as Mira dealt the cards between them.

"I hoped you might share what Dean's keeping from me..." Mira said, thumping her cards into place.

"Do I appear to be in the sharing mood to you?" Crowley retorted with a bored glower.

"No. But I know you're bored...pick up your cards." Mira replied.

Crowley's hands enclosed around his cards, with the tiniest of smirks."You want to know what Squirrel is keeping from you? A great many things I'm sure..most of them involving women. Something in particular?" he baited, raising his brow in inquiry. "Names maybe? Planning a crime of passion doll?"

"If I were to hunt down every woman Dean slept with...I'd likely put my own gender on the brink of extinction."

"Yet you still love the sod."

Mira was silent a moment and in her moment of silence, she looked so vulnerable that Crowley almost felt uncomfortable."...We're playing poker. And no, I'm not betting my soul or your freedom." Mira announced.

Crowley rearranged his cards, quite the feat considering his shackles, then slid his half of the cards back towards Mira. "No use playing if there aren't any stakes luv."

"I said those weren't the stakes, I didn't say there wouldn't be any.." Mira responded, pushing his cards back at him, before fetching something from the lining of her jean jacket. Crowley tilted his head, eying the prize as she set it alongside the edge of the table. A syringe gleamed beneath the harsh lightbulb hanging overhead. "You beat me, I'll give you a sample of my blood. If I win, you tell me what Dean's up to. It's as simple as that.."

"You do realize, regardless of who wins, Dean is going to be upset..?" Crowley asked, palming his cards into an upright position.

"Do I look bothered to you?" Mira challenged, her face unchanged.

Crowley smirked. "No."

"Then let's play." Mira said, lowering her gaze onto her cards.

* * *

Mira's cards sliced through the air as she threw her deck across the room. "Didn't Father Glenn ever tell you not to play poker with demons?" he jeered, watching with amusement as Mira ran her agitated fingers through her wavy hair. "I suppose that'd be a given wouldn't it? All hunters ever teach their liter is how to maim and slaughter. Never spend time on the finer aspects."

"Shut up." Mira snapped with a scowl.

"For what it's worth, you fared better than I thought you would..." Crowley earnestly replied, as her hand clawed at the syringe.

Mira stood, rolling up her sleeve. "Do you know how Dean saved Sam, yes or no?" she demanded. Crowley remained silent as Mira took off we belt. "I'm not giving you my blood until you answer me..." she continues, fastening the belt against her arm.

"Than why bother with the card game?"

"CROWLEY."

"You think he made a deal." Crowley stated with a shake of his head. "If he did, it wasn't with me.."

"Swear it." Mira instructed, her precious red liqueur filling the base if the syringe.

Crowley rolled his eyes irritably. "I swear by my unholy kingdom, alright? Now give it here..." he encouraged, angling his neck sideways the best he could. Sighing in defeat, Mira eased the needle from her vein into his throat, the syringe knocking against Crowley's collar. An inferno of emotion thrived into Crowley's blank being, a tingling high that oozed throughout every fiber of his long-dead meatsuit. Opening his contented eyes, Crowley inhaled deeply, a rigid smile combing his lips. He observed Mira begrudgingly picking up the cards she had scattered across the floor. "Mira...? A hunter's life is short, you shouldn't waste yours pining after Dean...how long's it been already– 9 years? I thought you were a smarter woman than that..." At long last, Mira's lovely faced darkened into a glare, but it didn't satisfy Crowley as he thought it would. "The point I was trying to make doll, is the Winchesters have only lasted this long by climbing over the bodies of those closest to them. Considering your vast affection for Dean, it's only a matter of time before you're next.."

A tart laugh emitted from Mira's mouth, as she stuffed the deck of cards back into its package. "Yeah I know..." she mumbled. Crowley's eyes narrowed as Mira tossed the card box onto the table; it skidded to a stop inches from his fingertips. "...I just don't care Crowley. Love has that fickle affect sometimes, where the threat of death is preferable than the thought of being without that person." Mira paused, staring into thin air with her arms crossed. "I don't expect you to understand..." She murmured, heading for the exit.


	2. Disappearing Cas

The sight of Mira usually instilled a cocktail of contradictory emotions within Dean. The same ache to touch her, also bade him to push her away. She deserved better, no one was more aware of that than Dean himself. Mira was gorgeous, smart, and a determined hunter.

Perching on the edge of the table, Dean watched with apprehension as a smiling Mira bounded into the bunker. It was with dread that he cleared his throat and said. "Cas is gone."

The relief shining on Mira's face was gone in a flash. "What do you mean he's gone?" She asked, her voice ripe with contempt.

"He left." Dean said plainly, breaking eye contact.

"Why? Didn't you tell him I was coming? That I've been searching for him, worried out of my mind?" Mira pressed.

"Yeah I told him..." Dean replied with a weak shrug. In truth, Dean had mentioned Mira's relentless search, but Cas didn't know Mira was on her way to see him. If Dean had told him, Cas would've wanted to stay and Zeke was persistent that Cas leave immediately.

"Where did he go?" Mira asked, propelling Dean to glance up into her crestfallen eyes.

"...I don't know." Dean confessed, his words shadowed by a sigh.

"What?! What do you mean you don't know?" Mira asked shrilly.

"I told him he couldn't stay here, so he took off. Don't know where, alright?" Dean blurted, standing with an agitated gait.

Mira stared at Dean, her heart shuddering with comprehension. "Why can't Castiel stay here?" She asked softly.

Dean was used to lying to Mira, but there was something about the way she was staring at him now that put him on edge. "He'll endanger the bunker.." he said lamely.

Mira gawked. "He'll...? You're joking right?" She stammered. "Have you forgotten about the king of hell shackled in the back room?!" She asked, gesturing for effect.

"Which is exactly my point! We're taking enough chances having Crowley here, and like it or not we need him. Cas had to go, end of discussion." Dean stated, knowing full well that Mira wouldn't be sated that easily.

"No Dean...how could you..." Mira trailed off and began again. "Castiel needs protection, someone has to teach him how to survive as a mortal.."

"He'll figure it out, Cas can take care of himself..."

"He's got a target on his back Dean!"

"Hey guess what - we all do!" Dean growled. "As long as Abaddon is out there, we are in all danger. Okay? I did what was best."

"Best for who?!" Mira incredulously retorted. "The best thing for Cas would've been to send him to me. I would've looked out for him!"

"Well you still can. If you leave now, you might be able to catch his trail." Dean dismissed.

"Dean what the hell is going on? First you decide to give up looking for Cas, now you tell me you found him but you refuse to house him..tell me what's happening." Mira demanded, with a pleading undertone.

It was in that moment, an inner voice screamed at Dean to tell Mira the truth. He ignored it. Turning his face to stone, Dean blatantly said. "It doesn't concern you. Sorry you came all this way for nothing."

Dean began to walk away, when Mira grabbed his wrist. "Dean please..." She quietly begged. Dean chose to stare at her fragile fingers, rather than her distressed eyes. "You know you can confide in me."

As Dean hesitantly met her gaze, he wondered if this would be the final straw for Mira. With a sadness secretly eating at him, Dean leaned down and kissed Mira. "Goodbye Mira.." he said, briefly upholding her gaze before shrugging out of her grasp. Mira left without another word, her clear eyes drenched in anguish as she turned away.

* * *

Castiel was in the midst of restocking the candy section, when he caght sight of Mira. She was wearing her usual jean jacket, with black jeans and a black shirt to match, but her demeanor seemed unnaturally disenchanted, despite her nimble smile. She spoke first. "You know, the prices of chips keep going up...I'm beginning to think it's a sign we're due for another apocalypse.."

"I doubt it." Castiel said with a wry smile. "Why are you here Mira? Is something wrong?"

"Aside from the unforgivable act of Dean throwing you out into the cold, not really."

"Actually the weather has been fairly warm.."

"Oh Cas..." Mira tutted.

"I'm fine Mira, you needn't worry about me.." Castiel insisted.

"Of course I should, you're my Cas..." Mira lightly argued. The two shared a smile, and Castiel marveled at his accelerated heartbeat. "Looks like you've adjusted to...America..." She continued, casting a weary glance at another patron. "But I'm here now, if you need me. I don't know why Dean is behaving the way he is, but I'll sleep easier at night knowing I'm near you."

"Thank you Mira..." Castiel said. "The solitude can be...overbearing at times."

"Yeah, I know what you mean..." Mira mumbled, in a bittersweet way. Castiel could see a hue of hurt lining her face, and Mira sensing this, forced a smile. "I'm so glad you're okay Cas." She told him, stepping forward to wrap her arms around him in a rib-crushing hug. "I missed you..." She whispered.

Castiel smiled, his arms gingerly embracing her waist. He had never truly appreciated her natural scent before. Castiel wondered, for the first time since he knew her, why it was that Dean fought so hard to keep Mira at bay.


	3. Passover

Crowley paused several leagues away from Mira, to observe her desolate state. She was hunched against the bar, her head was hanging low, feeble fingers enclosed around her shot glass. Strolling toward her, Crowley debated the best approach. Due to her feminine prowess, Mira had always been friendlier to him than the Winchesters, but even so, she was still a hunter. "Hello darling…how are you faring?" he greeted.

"How am I faring.." Mira echoed blankly, gesturing meekly at the bartender to refill her glass. "You know the answer to that….so you must want something." Mira continued, her words slightly slurred. "Lemme ask you one thing first…" she swiveled in her seat, to gaze at Crowley for the first time. "How should I be Crowley? Castiel and his flock are on a corporate warpath against Metatron. And when Dean isn't stroking the First Blade, he's obsessing over killing Abaddon. So where does that leave me? On the outside, again, watching helplessly as the men I love..just go about their vendettas….uncaring if they live or die." Mira interrupted herself to giggle darkly, resting her head against her palm. "You were right Crowley, I should've gotten out a long time ago. During the apocalypse maybe, I could've faked my own death." Mira downed her shotglass. "Or…or when they got sucked into purgatory….Sam started his own life, but I…I just couldn't could I? I'm pathetic. When Sam got pushed into hell, Dean went and started a life with Lisa, never thought twice about me."

"..Mira.." Crowley simpered, casting a weary glance around the bar.

"I begged Dean to tell me about Sam's health, _begged_. He wouldn't confine in me, he never does, but stupid me still thinks maybe one day….he'll….but no, he won't. Cas, Cas at least is an angel most days, he has an excuse to keep me away…not Dean. Dean, just doesn't want me."

"..Mira."

Mira squinted at Crowley, haphazardly rising from her seat. Crowley's hand sprang out, connecting with her hip to keep her steady. "What do you want Crowley? I know you don't give a shit about poor pining Mira..no one does. Well Kevin did, but he's dead…Why are you here?" she demanded, the scent of whisky ripe on her tongue.

"Honestly? Your heartache is precisely why I'm here. All that bent up aggression, your hormones are swimming in angst. I thought you might indulge a man who actually cherishes your blood, sweat and tears…especially one you've secretly been sweet on. Can't imagine I'd have lasted as long as I have, without a little of your influence.." Crowley responded, his tone turning softer at the mention of his survival.

"Keywords there – blood and man. You're no man Crowley, but if you want my blood, have at it. Hell take it all - what do I care? Feed me to your hellhound! I still have nightmares ya know, about when Dean was torn apart by one." Mira rambled, slumping against Crowley.

Crowley repressed a sigh, his palm grazing her wavy hair and pressing his lips against her temple. His instinct was to take advantage of her, yet deep down, he dreaded the thought.

* * *

Castiel gazed at Crowley apprehensively. "I shouldn't be meeting you.." he greeted gruffly.

"This isn't about me Pinocchio." Crowley retorted, pushing open the motel door behind him.

"CAS!" Mira squealed excitedly from her perch within the motel room.

Castiel tilted his head, to get a good look at her. "She's been drinking." He noted.

"You're a regular Sherlock Holmes." Crowley jeered.

"I don't smoke." Castiel said plainly. Crowley's brow furrowed then straightened out. "She shouldn't be here, she's safest at the bunker." Castiel continued.

"So take her." Crowley stated.

Castiel frowned as Crowley disappeared. His gaze shifted back to Mira who was stomping her feet in a musical rhythm. "Guess this song Cas, c'mon guess…" she encouraged as Castiel approached her. Mira shrank into her seat as Castiel got nearer. "No don't, don't do the sleeping thing. Lemme feel something. Please?" she murmured.

A sympathetic smile twitched on Castiel's lips.

* * *

Dean proceeded down the hall cautiously, the First Blade held firmly in his palm. He could hear a muddled voice emitting from one of the guest rooms. Gripping the doorknob, Dean pushed his way into the room. Mira let out a started gasp, her entire bed shaking at her surprise. Castiel, who was sitting at the foot of the bed, slowly stood. "Cas what the hell?" Dean greeted nonchalantly.

"I told him I didn't want to come." Mira indignantly replied, hugging herself as she pulled her knees up to her chin.

"She's distressed." Castiel told Dean. "I felt leaving her alone would be unwise."

"Just go Dean, and you - fly awaaayyyy…" Mira scowled at the duo.

With a nod and a grunt at Castiel, Dean set the First Blade down on the shelf. Dean stepped forward as Castiel left. "You really think this is the best time to be getting hammered huh?" he asked Mira crossly.

"You don't care, stop pretending, it's cruel." Mira replied, reclining with an angry huff.

"I don't care?" Dean repeated, his brow raised in fury.

"There. Finally you admit it." Mira said, turning her back to him.

Dean knew he should comfort her, correct her, apologize, do something to erase the hurt Mira was feeling. Instead, Dean slowly reclaimed the First Blade, and exited the room.


	4. Post finale

Her fingertips ate at the liquid steel handle of the angel sword. Mira's gray eyes were clouded in emotion, both of fury and sadness. Crowley's back was against the wall, his arm was held out toward her, his hand bobbing cautiously in protest. "Mira, I didn't know…alright? Not for certain…" Mira's lip curled into a sneer of disbelief. "Think about this – killing me would be a mistake, I can help Dean through this, you know I can." Mira took a huge step forward, her weapon still held at the ready. "Trust me Mira, I've never lied to you…haven't we bounded over the years? We're practically lovers you and I!"

Mira closed the gap between them, standing only three feet away from Crowley's cowering form. It was then that a soul-quenching growl inhabited the air. Though Mira couldn't see the hellhound, she could roughly sense where it lurked. Mira glared over her shoulder, at where she presumed the hellhound stood.

"It's alright Juliet, Daddy and Mummy are just having a lil tiff…aren't we darling?" Crowley announced, as Mira reverted her gaze to him.

"No." Mira stated. "Though I should thank you Crowley, really. Now that Dean's demonic, maybe I can move on…because if he ever cared about me before, he certainly doesn't now."

"Killing me changes nothing Mira." Crowley stated.

"You're wrong. See, I kill you, and then your hellhound, if it is capable of any loyalty at all…" Mira trailed off. She had turned a bit, to look at the hellhound again, but her eyes had landed on Dean, standing near the entrance. Mira's heart turned to ice, her veins quivering with the aftershock. Mira faced Crowley again. "I suggest you give the kill-order now, because in about 30 seconds, you won't have the chance." She warned, inspiring another haughty growl from Juliet.

"Juliet heel!" Dean barked, his voice bouncing off the silent walls. "Mira…give me the blade…" he ordered, his voice far closer than it had been moments before.

"Dean would understand, especially if it had been Sam that bore the mark and paid the price for it. Dean would know, this would have to be done.." Mira replied, keeping her eyes locked on Crowley.

"Will you stop talking to me like I'm possessed? I'm me! Damnit Mira, look at me!" Dean snapped, grabbing her arm.

Mira staggered sideways as if she had just been hit in the ribs. "Don't touch me!" She hissed, staring at the concrete floor rather than Dean.

His jaw set in a grimace, Dean lunged for her wrist. Mira struggled to maintain her grip on the angel blade, despite Dean's superior strength. "Let go." He grumbled, yanking the sword free of Mira's fingers. "Crowley wasn't the one to kill me, it was Metatron, remember? So why the hell do you think gutting him will avenge me?" Mira remained silent, her attention straying onto Crowley.

"Thank you Dean." Crowley said. "See doll, still himself. Wouldn't have bothered stopping you otherwise…"

Mira merely shook her head, and when she blinked Crowley was gone.

"If you don't want to believe I'm me, that's fine. But you can't help Cas pulling crazy crap like this. Hey, look at me when I'm talking to you..." Dean requested. Mira relucantly rose her grey eyes up to his hazel ones. "There's no undoing this okay? May not be a way to save Cas either, but you have to try.."

"Dean would want to help."

"I would if I could."

"You aren't even willing to try..." Mira whispered, her voice cracking at the end.

Dean remained silent a moment, breaking eyecontact. "...I'll take you home, c'mon.." Dean's hand enclosed around Mira's wrist. Dean tried to ignore how Mira winced at the physical contact. In mere seconds Dean had transported Mira and himself to the exterior of the bunker. Mira shrugged free immediately, and started to advance down the stairs. "Mira.." Dean said, halting her. Dean returned the angel sword to her, though he barely glanced at her in the process. "Good luck.." he murmured, disappearing before her eyes.

Mira released an agonizing sigh, as she entered the bunker. Castiel was sitting exactly where he had been when she left. Setting the weapon down in the table, Mira sat down opposite Castiel, pasting a smile on her face. "I borrowed your sword.." she told him.

"So I see.." Castiel remarked with a feeble smile of his own. "Was it worth it?"

"Not really.." Mira admitted, leaning forward, to hook her fingers around Castiel's palm. "I shouldn't have left..I'm sorry. I'm going to save you Cas, I don't know how but I will. I've already lost Dean, I can't lose you too..."


End file.
